I know you would rather believe it’s something practical because of course if it’s this, then you have to work on it. And you like working on stuff.
Working on stuff is nice, right? It’s clean. You sit down, use your intellect, put some music, work on your favorite stuff. It’s peaceful, it’s fine. Right?
Unlike interactions with people where your whole body somehow gets tense and you get drained. Maybe you have accepted it as a “personality trait” or haven’t even consiously realised the fight or flight mode. Maybe call yourself an introvert or shy.
But the point is simple and specific: some interactions with people feel threatening and in order to soothe yourself, you tend to do one or more of the next things:
Say yes even if you don’t mean it.
Negotiate yourself down even if you are not asked.
Feel like you are charging too much therefore overcompensating with work you are not supposed to do.
All the above might sound like people-pleasing solopreneur edition but they have the career edition, the founder edition, the husband/wife edition, the son/daughter edition, they NEVER show up only in one aspect of your life.
A few things I want you to consider if you see yourself in this:
What is it that you tell yourself about this? That you are a ‘very good person’? That you are chronically a victim? Maybe you recognise your people-pleasing strategies intellectually but don’t do something about it?
Do you consider this a flaw or a strategy? Ultimately, do you feel like it chose you or you choose it?
What are you gaining from it?
How does it feel to your body the possibility to speak your mind?
Are you daydreaming conversations where you speak your mind? How do you feel and why daydreaming them doesn’t become…doing them?
If you want some radically honest assessment, dm me on Linkedin and we can jump on a quick call, no expectations.